I’m sure many of you have been wondering where I’ve been and what I’ve been up to since I haven’t posted to my blog in over three weeks and I wanted to share with you a personal story that I believe has some valuable lessons.
The past two weeks have been one of the most difficult and emotional times in my life but I am so glad I was able to be there for my Mom and Dad. Just a little over two years ago my Dad was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. My Mom has been his primary care giver and it has been difficult for me to know exactly what was going on at home since they are in Florida and I am in Maine. Since his diagnosis I have made an extra effort to visit more frequently. My next trip planned was for the last week in January and my goal was to try to get some in home help for my Mom. Unfortunately I received an emergency phone call several days before my trip and had to rush down there. My Dad’s Alzheimer’s had deteriorated much more quickly than I realized and probably in the last few months entered Stage 6. For those of you not familiar with Alzheimer’s there are 7 stages of the disease, 7 being the last stage. Stage 6 is associated with major personality changes, aggression, hallucinations and many times this is the point when the loved one needs to be placed outside the home to receive the full time care that they need. After many emotional days we found a wonderful assisted living facility that specializes in memory care for my Dad. The place is warm, light and cheery and the staff there is wonderful. He can receive the care and monitoring (especially with medications) that he needs. We were initially worried about his reaction to the move but he seems very happy there. For the past two years my Mom has been under a great deal of stress (I remember hearing for every year of major stress you age 7 years) and now she can also get the care she needs as well.
This disease is one of the most devastating diseases and to watch someone you love slowly forget who you are, who their family is, where they live, lose all interest in the things that once inspired them and the things we take for granted everyday is one of the saddest things to watch.
When I went down there I not only had to handle locating a facility for my Dad (I still can’t believe how lucky we were to find a wonderful place with an opening), but had to deal with my parents finances. I learned some valuable lessons that I wanted to share because I think most people think that just because you are husband and wife means you have certain rights.
If you are married and own property one of the most important things you can do is get Durable Power of Attorney for the both of you. If one of you becomes incapacitated and cannot make financial decisions, your spouse CANNOT sell any property that is in both your names unless they have this document. This is extremely important because your spouse may need to sell the property to pay for medical bills or support children, etc. If the property is in both your names, the law requires both signatures to sell the property unless you have durable power of attorney. If you don’t have this you can always get guardianship of the person, but this is a lengthy, expensive process (at least in Florida) and should be avoided if possible.
Get your financial paperwork organized and in order. Make sure your spouse knows about the finances and even better, both should be involved in all the financial decisions.
And most important….Treasure every day together, because you never know what the next day has in store for you.
A few of my parents wedding pictures. I just love looking at old pictures and my parents have tons of really old family pictures.
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